This assessment is designed to help you recognize patterns of control and manipulation that may exist in your relationship. There are no right or wrong answers — only honest ones. Take your time with each statement and rate how often it occurs in your relationship.
Rate each statement using the following scale:
1 — Never
2 — Rarely
3 — Sometimes
4 — Often
5 — Always
11. I know when getting dressed my partner will tell me if my outfit is acceptable or not, and that can include how I wear my makeup and hair.
12. When my family and friends are getting together, I am encouraged to go and spend time with them. ✓ Positive
13. I am free to post and interact on social media without concern about my partner's reaction. ✓ Positive
14. My partner controls the money in our home and I feel like I have to explain why I need money or how I spent it.
15. When I am away from home, I am able to relax and enjoy myself fully, and I don't worry about the environment for when I return home at the end of the night. ✓ Positive
16. When I am out with friends or family, my partner respects my time and space without constant electronic check-ins. ✓ Positive
17. My partner needs to know my whereabouts at all times and sometimes says it's all out of love.
18. I perform sexual acts that I am not comfortable with to help keep the peace inside the household.
19. My partner has blocked doorways, hallways, or exits when I try to leave.
20. My partner has never taken my phone against my will or my keys to keep me from leaving. ✓ Positive
21. One tactic my partner uses to control our environment is the silent treatment.
1. My partner has used his/her size, strength, or hard stares to intimidate me.
2. My partner has threatened to end the relationship or leave if I don't comply.
3. I feel uneasy or unsafe when my partner drinks or uses substances.
4. My partner has threatened that I will be left without money or a place to live.
5. I feel a sense of dread when I hear my partner come home, slam a door, or look at me a certain way.
6. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace.
7. My partner has threatened to hurt or harm our pet(s).
8. I have been told or blamed for my partner's anger, drinking, or when things don't go as planned.
9. I feel my partner's apologies have become a predictable pattern following hurtful words or actions.
10. My partner has used the threat of taking my children to control my behavior.
22. When I address my partner's hurtful comments, I am told I am overreacting, that they were just joking, didn't mean it, or that I am being too sensitive.
23. I have been accused of being flirtatious after a social event and had to deal with my partner's jealousy and anger even when nothing happened.
24. My partner often blames me for their mistakes, failures, or inappropriate actions.
25. I have protected my partner's image to family and friends even though I have felt hurt and disappointed by their actions.
26. I sometimes feel like I can't say no because I dread the reaction I am going to get.
27. On special occasions my partner has created drama, started a fight, or acted out to overshadow the event or cause me not to attend.
28. When I speak positively about my partner, I struggle to share a story with any real substance behind it.
29. I have kept the abuse in my relationship private and would be surprised if those closest to me knew the full story.
30. Having children, pets, or a financial commitment is the only reason that I have stayed in this relationship.
